|The most comprehensive
site about sexuality
|nederlands | français | español
deutsch | русский
home > sexual information > sexual skills > great sex without intercourse
For most people it is sometimes better to make love without the penis entering the vagina. This may be because the girl is having her period (menstruation). Especially on the first day or days the bleeding may be so heavy that she prefers to keep her panties and a sanitary towel on or a tampon in. (When the bleeding is only light, sexual intercourse is quite possible and enjoyable, also because the risk of pregnancy is very small.)
Another reason for abstaining from intercourse (or ‘coitus’ as it is also called) is to avoid pregnancy. Fertilization is possible during 5 days every month, before and at the time of the girl’s ovulation, which is about midway between menstruations. So to avoid pregnancy (see Contraception) it is necessary to avoid coitus during those unsafe days.
You may also wish to avoid an infection (see Genital infections), or irritation if one of the partners has an irritated skin or experiences pain during intercourse.
Also, it is a very good idea for people who have just met not to go all the way immediately. There’s a lot of enjoyment in getting used to each other step by step. So this is the best approach for the inexperienced, and not a bad thing even for the experienced when they are new to each other.
Finally, people with sexual problems are always advised to avoid intercourse for some time. They have to re-learn making love.
Great sex without intercourse step 1: looking
The first stage of sexual attraction is looking at someone.The first stage of sexual attraction is looking at someone, noticing their general appearance (race, age, shape), and their face in particular (lips and eyes), then hearing their voice, noticing how they smile or toss their hair. Some people are attractive to almost everyone, some are the opposite. Most people are between these extremes, so there will be a pretty good chance - when they are young - to meet possible sexual partners. It’s sexual desire (see Lust) that makes us go out in search of someone to love. Let’s suppose two people have met and feel attracted to each other.
Great sex without intercourse step 2: touching
Touching is usually the beginning of sexual excitement and intimacy. Every part of us is sensitive to touch, and the feeling we get depends very much on the relationship. If someone is a relative stranger and we are touched for the first time, our sexual excitement is very strong, stronger than when someone is familiar to us. The touch of a hand against a hand, the caressing of a face, the lips close to the ear, the movement of a hand over your leg, the soft tickling of a thigh or the massage of neck and shoulders, they can all be exquisite and arousing, so that the heart beats faster, and a feeling of warmth runs through us.
Great sex without intercourse step 3: kissing
Kissing is the next stage. Our mouths are especially sensitive and the deep kiss, where the mouth opens and the tongues can play together, is usually at the centre of petting. While we kiss, our hands hold the partner and explore their hair and face, back and front. Kissing is important. Do it gently and cautiously and playfully at first. Open your eyes, at least occasionally and say that you like it (if you do). Do not slobber or crush and if the other does, teach them. Don’t forget, kissing is not taught in any school and in very few homes, so most people have to go by intuition. Some really do not know how to kiss, and they have to be instructed.
Great sex without intercourse step 4: more touching
Touching the breasts, or other parts that are usually covered, like the abdomen and the buttocks, is the following stage. Again it is important to be gentle and exploratory, not hasty or clumsy. It may look exciting to see people in movies lose their head completely in a frenzy of passion, but reality is different (by the way, such movie scenes show how little moviemakers know about these things). Always be aware and enjoy what you are doing.
Great sex without intercourse step 5: giving an orgasm
Finally - and this may come after many sessions of enjoyable kissing and petting - you can give the other an orgasm (make him or her come) by touching and stimulating the genitals. If you are agreed that you don’t need sexual intercourse yet, this is a perfect way to have wonderful sex without any worry about pregnancy or infection.
Great sex without intercourse: masturbating a boy
You can make a boy come with your hand. The first time you hold a penis is very exciting, maybe a little frightening too. But remember, he is very sensitive and vulnerable, so be very gentle and careful. Don’t start pulling the foreskin back immediately, but just hold it softly, move your fingers a little bit, look at it if you can. The penis is probably already hard and big the first time you touch it, because the boy has become aroused as a result of the kissing and caressing that you have already done. And if the boy is very excited he takes only a very short time to have an orgasm. His semen will squirt out in three or four small gusts, so be prepared for that. It is a good idea to have some tissues or a handkerchief ready to catch the semen or wipe it away. It is very natural stuff, like the white of an egg, so if it stains clothes or sheets or upholstery, it cleans away easily with some warm water.
You can masturbate a boy by moving your hand up and down on his penis. This you must also do very gently at first, until he is good and wet and you feels you can do it a little harder until he comes. It often takes quite a bit of practice before you can do it just the way he likes it. When you are more experienced you may want to kiss the penis, take it in your mouth and make him come by licking it or making a pumping motion until he comes. You can only do this if you are sure not to catch an infection.
Great sex without intercourse: masturbating a girl
You can masturbate a girl by moving your fingers very gently at first across her slit. It is probably be wet from the kissing and petting, otherwise you must wet your finger with saliva. The most sensitive spot is the girl’s clitoris and the area around it. You must be careful about rubbing it too hard or quickly. Only when you feel that she is getting aroused, can you increase the rhythm of your stroking until she comes. Many girls find it not so easy to have an orgasm this way. They have their own particular technique when they masturbate and it is very difficult for another person to know that without asking.
You can also make her come by kissing and licking her slit. Again it is important to do this very gently at first and show that you enjoy it. She can let you know if you’re doing it right. Of course this oral sex is only safe if you know you cannot be infected.
All in all, you can have great sex without sexual intercourse. This non-penetrative sex is a wonderful way to get to know each other and talk about what you like, or discuss and solve any problem that comes along.
For more information see masturbation
home | sexual information | sex & society | points of view | about us | search | sitemap | contact | how to support us