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home > sexual information > sexual skills > how to be a good lover
To be a good lover is something you can learn. As with any other skill, it takes a little instruction and practice. And as with any other skill, if you start young and under good conditions, you can avoid many of the unnecessary sexual problems that many people have.
How to be a good lover rule 1: softly softly
It is important to be very very tender, careful, soft and gentle, especially in the beginning. Too many boys and girls are clumsy and so their touch is too rough. They kiss too hard and suddenly and too long. Remember how sensitive the skin of our love parts is: lips and mouth, the glans of the penis and the clitoris and vagina. So gentle does it.
How to be a good lover rule 2: wet works
A dry skin irritates easily. So if there is no natural wetness, always use some lubricant like saliva to make the surface of your love parts sufficiently wet. Boys must realize that for girls it is painful if a finger or the penis enters the vagina if it is not wet enough. Girls must realize that a boy can have a very sensitive foreskin or glans and that wetness is the best remedy for that. It is always a good idea to have non-penetrative sex for a while, to experiment with each other during a certain period of time before ‘going all the way’. Then you can talk about any difficulties arising from dry or sensitive skin.
How to be a good lover rule 3: comfort
It is very important to feel comfortable. To enjoy what you are doing requires knowing what you are doing. Many people think that is very romantic to lose yourself in a flurry of passion, to ‘fall’ in love and forget about being sensible. They grope and fumble in the dark. They squeeze and pull without really paying attention to what they are doing. They close their eyes and lose themselves. They come too quickly (boys) or not at all (girls). They are not using a contraceptive, and the girl feels unsafe. So logically they feel uncomfortable, not only during but especially after what they’ve done. This experience has given sex a bad name. For many people it is difficult to think of it as pleasant and fulfilling, and they let themselves be made to believe that sex can only be good if you’re married. Unfortunately this is a mistake. If you can’t practice comfortable sex with your eyes open, a marriage license will not make much difference in the end.
How to be a good lover rule 4: technique
A good lover has of course some technical knowledge. Make yourself acquainted with the the sex organs, so that you know what you are doing when you touch them and understand how sensitive they are. Also the use of contraceptives, especially the condom, requires a certain amount of technical skill. And of course it requires technique to make someone have an orgasm. This is why ‘technique’ usually refers to different ways of making love, oral sex, the touching of the anus while making love, and all kinds of other little tricks that please the other.
Techniques are simple and easy to master. And the best way to learn is practice. And not just with one person. A good lover is most of all generous and giving.
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